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Chicago Escort Lucy                        Rantings of a Chicago Escort.

My name is Lucy and I am a retired Chicago Escort. I have decided to contribute some blogs to California Blondes. I have been writing my thoughts down for years. Now I can share them.

           Here are some things that make all of the Chicago Escort girls crazy. 

•    The Client answered the door naked. How very awkward for any Chicago Escort.  Even if you have the perfect body with a six pack. It is still difficult to check your ID or imprint your credit card with your “winky” staring at me.
•    How about the guy who took several phone calls while I was in the room. The clock does not stop because you are chatting with a friend. I need the entire hour to make both of us comfortable and provide a memorable experience.
•    I walked in, and his house was filthy. Never even made an effort to pick up. How much fun it is to try and get comfy with ten pizza boxes strewn all over the living room. Some still had pizza in them.
•    When the client just comes from the hotel gym and is sweaty and stinky. I know you want to get your work out today. But just delaying my arrival by 15 minutes for a quick shower would have been nice.

•    There was the fellow who left his house after he made the appointment. To run to the store and did not tell the agency. I had to wait in his driveway for 20 minutes, never even apologized.

•   Had a few who could not find their money or ID and were not trying even to look.  Just standing there and chatting. I just am not comfortable with you until all the business stuff is out of the way.
•    No means No. I do not want an alcoholic beverage.  I am not drinking anything that I did not bring in myself for obvious reasons. Or maybe I am driving and do not want to lose my license. It does not take much for a small woman to blow an over the limit on a breathalyzer.
•    The client who wants me to get in the hot tub. Yikes. My hair will frizz, and I am not wearing waterproof mascara. Can you say raccoon eyes? Most guys have seen the before and after pics of movie stars on the internet. Most women do not look good without makeup. I am a fantasy and want to stay that way.
•   One gentleman did not bother to brush teeth before I arrived and wanted GFE. Gagging on beer and garlic breath is not very romantic or sexy for any escort. Mouthwash Coupons

More things that really make Escorts nuts

•    Clients who offer you drugs. OR even worse. Customers who expect you to make a phone call to find him drugs.  I am an escort, not a drug dealer. Last time I checked it was illegal for a Chicago Escort to sell drugs.

•    The guy who told the waiter and the table next to us that I was a paid escort.

•    Men who think rough is macho.

•    Even though I mentioned three times, we only had 20 minutes left he got upset when I told him I had to go in 5 minutes. The Escort Agency watches my time and makes sure I am out safely. I have to leave.

•    Clients who spend the entire time with you asking for your phone number. PULEEZE  I am going to risk a good job so you can save some money?????  Plus I work for an agency, so I do not have to field phone calls or texts when I am not working. Or spend an hour on the phone with someone because they are bored and do not want to see me until next week. Been there done that and bought the tee-shirt.

•    Men who say if I stay longer without telling the agency they will call me back more often. I must look like a dumb blonde.

•    The guy who took the little blue pill. I do not have to expound on that one.